Bundate 1/23/26
Whooooee! It's been a minute. Looking at my blog, the last one of these I even tried was in October. Def have fallen off this particular wagon. Alas, time is hard to come by. Anyways, just kinda wanted to post something as I feel like I'm settling into the new year (Rose, it's 2/3 through Jan. questions at the end, thank you). Normally in these, I talk about different stuff I'm consuming, but I feel like I barely consume media lately. And that's fine. In some ways, that's probably good. Let my mind de-clutter a bit, I guess. I wanna talk about something else.
A little over a week ago, I just had a kind of Moment. It was a day I worked at Staples and then came home and hung out on discord. Nothing notable whatsoever. But, as I lay in bed, I just looked up and thought, "that was a good day." And not in a really intense way or anything. Just kind of a good energy throughout and a fairly benign time at Staples. And I had fun with my friends (always do). Idk, it was a weird and joyful moment. I've been thinking about it a lot lately as I go forward. It may seem silly, but I guess it's what I'm aiming for.
Those sort of 6/10 days. Not Great!, but not bad. Felt like, especially as the year ended, it was a lot of bad days. Never felt like I was getting enough done or doing the things I'd like to do and I resented every minute I was working at Staples as the holidays crashed into us. My friends, of course, buoyed me up, but when you're working 30 hours a week in retail during the holidays, it can get kind of grim.
Maybe it's the days getting imperceptibly longer, maybe it's that I'm starting to be less harsh on myself. Maybe it's that the semester has started up and so I'm easing back into the rhythm of teaching, but I'm just feeling good in an easy, benign way. And I feel more connected, in some ways, to my friends. Even hanging in another discord more as we go through Utena together (what a great time). I don't know, I just feel like I'm in a good ass place right now. This is not, of course, to say that there aren't bad days or moments. Of course there are look at literally any social media for fifteen seconds and notice what this shit ass country is doing. But, I dunno. Maybe it's just the mood stabilizers and the CPAP kicking in, but I feel really good. And I'm trying to just enjoy that. To stay present in it.